I always felt that my mother or father never really loved me the way they loved the other children. I was with my grandmother a lot. My family is a family of alcoholics. We went to church as children because we had to. I was the Sunday school secretary and a youth usher because I was following in my grandmother’s footsteps. I was happy when I was around my grandmother but sad when I was with my mother and sister. I really didn’t like myself, not until I started sinning, drinking smoking cigarettes, weed; that’s when I started liking me. I was sixteen when I was put out of my mother’s house. I went wild for a long time. When I finished school, I joined the Army. I got even wilder. All of my relationships with men were very abusive. My first marriage lasted five years and my second lasted twenty years. My second husband is my best friend now. I’ve had a lot of losses in my life, a daughter, mother, and grandmother; but none of these losses made me stop. As the years went by I only got worse. I always knew I was going down the wrong track, but I didn’t care because I didn’t care about me. I realized God was working in my life.
Every time I prayed for His help He would send me to jail, but I still never listened to him.
I started listening to God when I found out my son was an addict like me. It hurt my heart, so I prayed to God and He sent me to jail so that I would listen to Him and only Him. I have confessed my sin, want what is God’s will in my life today. I believe He does have a purpose for me today and I’m willing to do His will today. I’m at peace with myself. I know when He is in my presence. I also know when He has answered a question for me, whether it be yes or no. I love myself today and know God loves me also. I love reading Matthew, John, and Ephesians (the whole Bible) I just like them. When I go out of my room, I put on the suit of armor and ask God to guard my tongue (He does. Thank you, God.).
I realize God is good even when life seems grim.